The Revelation
by Gibs
Summary: A 2006 Fanfic challenge. Harm and Mac try to smooth out their precarious relationship after her return from the Guadalcanal, but how will she react when Harm has some potentially earth shattering news for her?
1. Chapter 1

Author: Gibs

Rating: T

Disclaimer: No copyright infringements intended. _JAG_ and it's characters are the property of Belisarius Productions and Donald P. Bellisario. This story is not intended to violate and copyrights they have and is not intended for profit in any way. I do have to add here that I got the idea for part of the sub-plot of this story from an episode of _Law and Order: SVU_, but I hope I changed it enough for it not to be a blatant rip-off. Again, I am not pretending that it was my idea, but the plot line worked very well for how I needed to work the story around my given prompt so I hope you'll excuse me on that one ;0)

Category: Vignette, Romance H/M, eventually AU.

A/N: This story was written for one of Pixie's Ficathons in October 2006 and I've finally gotten around to posting it here. If I remember correctly, I think the prompt was supplied by Theresa from the Harmyboard, but I won't say what it was because it will give away the plot - I'll just post the prompt at the end of the story for anyone who's interested. 

This takes place just as Mac is returning from the Guadalcanal; however, consider it going AU before the whole Indonesian Embassy/Lilliana thing takes place. Also, in this story Renee and Harm broke up a little bit earlier than they did in 'real life'.

JAG HQ  
HARM'S OFFICE  
2130 LOCAL

Harm reached for the phone on the second ring. "Hey Clay, thanks for returning my call. Yeah… you're exactly right – I have no earthly reason to call you unless I need your help – I'm glad you've finally faced facts."

"Very funny Rabb, but if you recall, you're the one who wants something, so you might want to think about being nice– at least at the _**beginning**_ of the call."

"Whatever floats your boat, Webb. I have this problem with a case…"

"What? The invincible Harmon Rabb admits he can't do everything on his own? Mac must be passed out on the floor from shock."

Harm shifted uncomfortably in his seat and wondered what it was about Clayton Webb that pushed every single button he seemed to have. And how was it that he could immediately latch on to his 'sore spot du jour' without even batting an eye. "Mac's not here right now," he mumbled dejectedly, "she's on The Guadalcanal."

"Still? She was there two weeks ago when I called? What kind of investigation is taking this long?"

"She's uhhh… not on an investigation… she's there TAD. And what were you doing calling Mac?"

"Oh really? Webb's self-satisfied smirk could be heard as far away as the Grand Cayman Islands. "What did you this time Rabb?"

"Me? It didn't have anything to do with me! And you didn't answer my question."

"Right – whatever. I phoned her to find out how she was doing. You know, she took it pretty hard when she thought her partner was dead at the bottom of the North Atlantic."

A shiver went down Harm's back at those words and he wondered briefly whether he would ever be able to think of that part of the world again without feeling the icy chill. "Are you going to shut up so I can tell you my problem or what?"

"Rabb, there isn't enough time in the world for all your problems, but how about you fill me in on your case and I'll see what I can do."

If he didn't desperately need help, Harm would have reached through the phone and wrapped his fingers around the weasely CIA agent's throat. Instead, he swallowed his sarcasm and forged ahead. "Well, I've run into a wall that I'm hoping you might be able help me with. I'm working on this case – a petty officer on the Abe Lincoln has been implicated in a domestic terrorism case…"

Clay sat up straight in his chair. "Domestic terrorism?! You mean, like 'sleeper cell?!'"

"No, I mean like 'animal rights'"

"Oh – yeah, those guys can be nasty."

"Yeah -well, he got involved with some radical group that like to do drastic things like blow up offices that are associated with cruelty to animals… you know, cosmetic and drug testing companies - stuff like that. Apparently, he felt strongly about bunny rabbits having their eyes propped open and perfume sprayed into them."

Webb stifled a snicker "Who doesn't?"

"Yeah, well apparently they had planned something big – he was supposed to steal a bunch of C-4 from supply and bring it to the site – that was his part of the job. The feds moved in too quickly though and, although they prevented the thing from going down, all of the important people got away. The only one's they managed to nail were the little people like Petty Officer Sheehan - people who only had a small, compartmentalized part and knew nothing of the larger organization."

"That sucks, but where do I fit in?"

"Well, I'm building my defense around the fact that the PO was only a minor player and as it turns out, he had a contact in the group. According to him, there was a woman who was his 'go-to guy', so to speak."

"But…?"

"But… she seems to have disappeared."

"So what's new? Witnesses disappear all the time."

"Not like this – not in two hours."

"Two hours?"

"Yeah. I talked to her on the phone right after Petty Officer Sheehan gave me her info. She swore up and down that she didn't know what I was talking about, but eventually agreed to meet me. When she didn't show I went to her house, it was completely clean – no furniture – nothing. I keep going over the facts in my head and it only leads me to one or two scenarios – all of which you could help me with."

"Such as…"

"I don't know, but only companies like yours move that fast."

"Hmm… interesting theory. It's possible I suppose."

"So are you going to help me out or what?"

"What's in it for me?"

Harm shook his head and leaned back in his chair. "I don't know Webb, the chance to get a warm fuzzy about your job for once?"

"Very funny. Despite that, I still may help you. Give me what you've got."

Several minutes later, Harm placed the receiver back in it's cradle and scrubbed his hands over his face. It was late but he had no urge to go back to his apartment. To be honest with himself, he hadn't been sleeping well lately and it wasn't entirely due to residual aches and pains from his injuries. In actual fact, he couldn't seem to quiet his mind from thoughts of Mac. It had almost killed him three weeks ago to leave her under the circumstances he'd been forced to – but he'd sincerely thought she'd understood. He supposed he should have known better, though. Mac was good at pretending to be tough as nails – so good that sometimes he forgot that he really knew different. Deep down, he was beginning to understand she was much more fragile than she let on. "Aren't we all?" He supposed to himself aloud.

He dropped his head towards the desk and scratched the back of his neck in frustration. His attempt to talk to Mac on the Guadalcanal had been a disaster and it was frustrating the hell out of him. They had seemed so close … close to what he still didn't know… but close to having things right. Before he went into the proverbial drink, he had known that Mac was special to him – special enough to hate it every time she was with another man – but after his dunk in the Atlantic… and during… He shuttered again and could almost feel the bitter burn of seawater in his sinuses and the back of his throat. Lately, during the long nights he'd been alone since he and Renee were over, he was beginning to vividly recall his thoughts as he'd awaited rescue in the freezing water. They had all been of one thing – that he couldn't die because he hadn't told Mac how he felt. Now, it was like a switch had been flipped. He felt an urgency that he hadn't before. An urgency to straighten things out with her, to find out whether that little voice inside of his head was right and that this woman was indeed his dream girl.

The ringing of his phone snapped him out of his thoughts. "Rabb" he snapped – expecting it was Clay phoning him back to bail. When there was no reply, he repeated his query over the quietly humming line. "Hello?"

"Hi."

"Mac?" He straightened suddenly in his seat. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah… sorry – I just didn't expect you'd be at the office so late."

Harm wasn't sure what to think of that. "So you called... _**not**_ to talk to me?" His chuckle wasn't very convincing, not even to himself.

"I was just going to leave you a message – I didn't want to bother you at home if you were…" she didn't end her sentence because she really didn't know how to.

"Mac – Renee and I broke-up."

The silence on the line was so deafening he almost couldn't stand it. And it stretched so long he wondered if he should repeat himself - if she'd even heard him. Just before his resolve snapped, he finally heard her voice.

"I just called to say I'm leaving here tomorrow. I'm coming home."

He wasn't quite sure what to say, he wanted to jump for joy – to beat his fists on the desk and laugh, but the pilot in him held it in, like always. "I'm… really glad to hear that, Mac."

"What's the matter, can't handle the extra workload created from my absence?"

Harm chuckled suggestively, "Oh, you know I can handle anything, Marine." He was secretly glad she had lightened the moment with humor, but a part of him wondered if they would be doing this dance for the rest of their lives. Well, if they were at least doing _**something**_ together for the rest of their lives, he wouldn't complain. "Do you… uh… need me to come pick you up or anything?"

"No – it's OK – I don't really know what time I'm getting in. I'll probably just take a cab."

"Mac, it wouldn't be a bother."

"It would be if the Admiral finds out why you snuck out in the middle of the day."

"I'd just tell him I was saving the military a cab fare claim."

"Harm…" she warned.

"Mac…" he warned back.

"Listen, I gotta go – I'm on the Sat phone. I'll see you in a few days."

"Roger that, Marine." This time, when Harm returned the telephone to it's cradle, his heart felt 50 lbs lighter and he wasn't sure, but he thought the hint of a smile might have finally penetrated his tired features.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

THREE DAYS LATER  
JAG HQ  
1030 LOCAL

Mac hesitantly ascended the staircase to her second floor office. She had too much nervous energy built up in her body to tolerate waiting for the elevator, plus she was afraid of running into Harm. She wasn't sure why, but just the thought of sharing the same small space with him right now was giving her an ulcer. All that time she had to think on the Guadalcanal had brought her to a few conclusions, but they were conclusions she was afraid to really confront right now.

As she pulled open the familiar glass doors and entered the bustling office, she smiled confidently at all the faces who offered her welcoming wishes as she passed, however her stomach felt anything but self-assured. She was literally unable to keep her eyes from being drawn to his office. When she finally relented, it was as though she knew without a doubt that he'd be there before she even saw him. Perhaps sensing her presence as well, Harm looked up almost immediately. As their eyes met, her paces automatically slowed - she could never read that particular expression on his face. It always seemed so intense – like something monumental was happening… or maybe it was panic, she could never quite tell, but for an instant whenever they shared moments like this, it was as if everything was right. It was like in that one moment they were the only two people in the world and she didn't question the fact that he was her future and she was his.

"Welcome back, Colonel"

The voice behind her startled her so much she actually jumped. "What the hell, Clay? Do you mind not sneaking up on me like that?" In the time that it took her to recover, Harm had navigated his desk and was now exiting his office with a warm grin on his face.

"Hey. You can add my 'welcome back' to that too." He looked like he wanted to do something with his hands, but he simply clasped them in front instead. "The place just hasn't been the same without you." He felt he needed to impart as much as he could into that statement without being obvious, but he could never tell – it always felt like he was being blatantly obvious when it came to her. Like being drunk at a party and trying to pretend you're not – you think you're doing a great job until someone corners you in the bathroom and tells you to go home because you're loaded.

Mac smiled at him nervously and desperately attempted to change the subject. She didn't understand why, but lately, every time it seemed Harm's feelings for her were showing, she felt the need to back away. "So what brings you here, Webb?"

"Actually, I'm here to talk to Rabb." He looked up sharply at the slightly distracted naval officer. "You ready? I'm actually on a bit of a schedule."

Harm mentally stumbled but managed to recover quickly. "Uh, sure." He stepped back to allow access to his office and directed his hand towards it's entrance. "After you." He turned towards Mac before he left to follow in the CIA agent's wake. "You want to have lunch or something later?"

"I'm… actually not going to be here for much longer. I'm just dropping some things off and reporting to the Admiral. He's supposed to let me secure early."

"Oh." Harm had learned too well his lesson about pushing when he'd been on the Guadalcanal. "Well, if you're bored later… or hungry… or just want to talk… you know where to find me."

Mac stared at him for a moment before she could manage to answer. "Okay" she said softly and walked into her office.

Harm followed her with his eyes, unsure as to whether that 'okay' had been an affirmative answer to his invitation, or a simple acknowledgement of it. Why did things have to be so difficult with her? If she'd been any other woman he would have had her by now… but that was the problem right there, wasn't it? She wasn't just any other woman… she had never just been any other woman.

"Rabb!"

Harm's head snapped up at the disgruntled reprimand.

"Schedule – remember?"

"Right." He closed the door behind him and used the opportunity to steal one last quick glance towards her shuttered window. He had trouble stifling his excitement – how many days had he stared at that office knowing it was empty? Now, the outside still looked the same, but it was undeniably charged with the presence of one Sarah Mackenzie. "Sorry, Clay. You have something for me?"

Webb had made himself comfortable behind Harm's desk. "Yeah. But I don't think you're going to like it."

"Try me."

Clay smiled his disturbingly cocky grin and motioned to the chair in front of him. "Okay, but I think you better sit down - this one's a doozy." He leaned back confidently and squinted. "How close are you and Mac?"

Harm almost tripped into the chair as he tried to seat himself. "What do you mean?" he shot back defensively.

"Whoa there Tarzan – you can calm down. I'm not asking for the details of your love life – I'm just wondering how much you know about her past – her family and stuff."

Harm furrowed his brow in frustration. "Clay, Mac and I are just friends, and what does she have to do with my case?"

"Well, if you'd let me get there, I'll tell you. I did some investigating and managed to track down your little witness there."

"Great!"

"Maybe not." Webb cautioned and fiddled with a pencil on Harm's desk. "Turns out your witness was in the witness protection program."

"Was? – that means she's not anymore?" Harm looked hopeful.

"Technically, no she's not anymore, but she's still working on loan, so to speak, with the FBI – and still being protected by them. I'm afraid that you can't use her as a witness – no way."

Harm deflated slightly in his chair. "Well, thanks anyway." He looked up tentatively and suddenly recognized the look in his acquaintance's eye. "But you think this person is associated with Mac some how?"

"I _**know**_ she is."

MAC'S APT  
2000 LOCAL

Mac was busily primping herself in anticipation of visiting Harm when the knock sounded on her front door. She hadn't officially decided to accept his offer, but figuring it couldn't hurt to prepare herself to leave, she had opted to cross the final bridge when she came to it. Now, as she peered through the peep-hole, she realized that the final bridge had come to her instead.

"Hey" she said questioningly as she pulled open the door and stood back to allow his entrance. "I was actually going to call you."

Harm returned her smile in a slightly forced manner. "Well, I wasn't going to bother you, but I had something that couldn't really keep."

Her mind whirred with anticipation. Harm had been trying to pin her down for "the talk" ever since that night Mic walked out, and she had continually put him off. Now she couldn't decide whether she was glad he appeared to be forcing the issue, or resigned to the fact that all the men in her life were unable to allow her to make a decision in her own time. "Sure," she smiled as she closed the door, "I always have time for my best friend… and we'll always be friends Harm… despite everything… I hope you know that you've always been my best friend." She'd come to that conclusion on the Guadalcanal, and beyond the addition that she always wanted him in her life in some form, she wasn't clear that she'd decided much else.

"I hope I always will be too." He added hopefully.

"Just as long as you don't piss me off, Flyboy." She'd meant to be funny, but the sudden pained expression on his face gave her doubts about her ability to pull-off subtle sarcasm.

"In that case, could I get a quick 'welcome home hug' before you decide to slug me?" He'd been dying to take her in her arms since he first saw her at the office today, but protocol demanded different. Well, technically he supposed he could have given her a hug at the office, but it wouldn't have been the kind of hug he wanted – the kind where he could draw out the squeeze just a little bit longer, pull her just a little bit closer… maybe even smooth his hands over her back for an instant before he was forced to draw away. If he was really lucky, he could fit in a quick nuzzle and draw in a quick breath of the overwhelming aroma of 'Mac'. Most importantly, a hug at the office today wouldn't have left him an excuse to ask for one later, in private.

"Always Harm." She moved into her arms and he exhaled heavily. "I'm sorry I've been so distant lately."

"S'okay, Marine. You had a rough couple of months."

In that instant she knew without a doubt she'd made the right decision. Months of second guessing herself in the darkness of the night, weeks of introspection on board a ship in the middle of the Indian Ocean… none of it had done as much good as one moment wrapped in Harm's strong arms. None of it had brought her to the conclusion that had just instantly washed over her – that Mic's arms had never made her feel this secure. That it didn't matter how much someone cared for you if you didn't _**want**_ to be cared for by that person. And Mic's arms had never felt this absolutely perfect.

She had a wary feeling as Harm stepped back – the look in his eyes suggested slightly of guilt. Was what he had to tell her really that bad? Before her mind could concoct it's worst possible scenario, he had taken her hands and lead her to the sofa.

"I have to tell you something Mac – and it's probably not going to be easy to hear. I spent most of the evening trying to decide if I should even tell you, but whichever way I play this in my mind, I keep coming back to the simple fact that you deserve to know this."

She'd originally thought he'd come to talk about their relationship, but now this sounded like something different – at least she hoped nothing about their relationship could be this bad. "Go ahead." She nodded, silently preparing herself.

Harm dropped her hands and propped his elbows on his knees. "Mac – since you've been gone on the Guadalcanal, I've been working on an investigation – seemed simple enough at the time – some petty officer who was a little too left wing when it came to animal rights seems to have got himself caught up in what's turned out to be a pretty serious domestic terrorism ring."

"Poor guy" Mac tried to sympathize but Harm just smirked. She was a little surprised to say the least. Here she was, fearing the 'dreaded conversation' about their relationship, and as it turns out, Harm was merely upset about a case.

"Mac – this guy… well, let's just say he's young and… more than a little misguided."

"As in 'he's yet to find his footing in the world'?"

Harm rolled his eyes and cocked his eyebrow at her. "No, as in 'somewhere a village has lost it's idiot'"

"Seen" she shook her head and laughed. "OK, continue."

"Well, in trying to interview the witnesses, I came across one that had great potential. I talked to her on the phone and she pretended to be ignorant, but from the info the petty officer gave me, it was evident she was pretty important not only to our case, but also about this group he seemed to have gotten himself caught up in. I talked her into a meeting, but I'm guessing that was just a ruse to get me off the phone because she never showed. Luckily the PO knew where she lived and when I went after her – she was gone."

"I see." Mac was slightly intrigued, but this was nothing more unusual than what they'd often times been up against.

Harm shifted positions on the couch and eyed her warily. "I mean gone, gone… as in furniture, phone disconnected… everything."

"Wow. That was fast. Sounds like a government job."

Grinning that his Marine and he thought so much alike, he nodded his head in concurrence. "Exactly what I thought too. That's why I contacted Webb."

Mac slowly rocked in understanding. "That's why Clay was at the office today."

"Yeah," Harm raised his eyebrows at her cautiously "he had some interesting information for me. Turns out the woman's in the witness protection program."

"Really? That can't help your case, Harm. You can't use her if she's in witness protection."

"I know," Harm agreed. "I don't care about the case, Mac, but it turns out it's not really witness protection. Basically, she inadvertently penetrated this group some 25 years ago. When she was arrested with everyone, and the police discovered her actual role, they asked her to stay and help provide information on the group's activities. She agreed – walked away from her old life – and has been there ever since."

Mac shook her head. "Wow – 25 years undercover – that's got to be tough. But I don't understand Harm, what's your problem? You already know you can't use her."

"Problem is Mac…" he took her hands and squeezed them gently, "...she's your mother."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

It took a moment for Harm's words to sink in, and even when they did, her mouth seemed to be frozen.

He slipped forward on the couch and squeezed her hands again. "Mac?"

The sound of Harm's voice was enough to shake her from her sudden stupor. Immediately she stood and paced away from him. "That's why she left us." Mac finally whirled on him with her arms crossed over her chest defensively.

Harm nodded. "According to Webb's info, she was on her way out grocery shopping one day when it happened. A member of the group was supposed to bring his sister to the Op – she was a florist sympathetic to their cause and had access to large amounts of fertilizer. When his sister backed out at the last minute, he stole the fertilizer himself but panicked and grabbed your mom on the street when he feared explaining that his sister didn't want to be involved. Since no one in the group had met his sister yet, he used your mom as a stand in. They're still not sure what his original intention was with regard to your mom – possibly he was going to kill her after the Op went down, but as it turned out, he was the one that was killed when the explosion fired too early. Your mom was arrested along with the rest of the group and because they had never met her, the group never questioned who she was. Once the authorities questioned your mom apart from the rest of them, they knew they had the perfect mole."

Mac's eyes had become slightly glassy throughout Harm's speech, but other than that she'd barely acknowledged his words. When she finally turned away from him and walked towards the fireplace, he was praying for any kind of reaction.

"I think I'd like to be alone now if you don't mind."

That wasn't the kind of reaction he was hoping for, but he thought he understood. He just hoped she didn't hate him for bringing her this news. "Mac, do you want me to make you some tea before I go? I…"

"No thanks, Harm. I just need to think about this for awhile… alone."

Harm dropped his head and walked towards the door. "Okay, Marine. But you know where to find me if you need anything."

She nodded her head but she didn't even turn to look at him as he exited the apartment.

THE NEXT NIGHT  
HARM'S APT  
2030 LOCAL

Harm lay on his bed and watched the ceiling fan turn slowly. He'd long since given up trying to occupy his mind with other things and had now resigned himself to pining over his beautiful partner. If she would just call and let him know she was alright – anything to stop the gnawing feeling that was eating at his gut. As it was a Saturday, he'd gone for a run early and ended up running 11 miles before the thought occurred to him that Mac could be trying to reach him. A thought that made him run the last two miles back to his apartment faster than he really should have. He'd spent the next 4 hours icing his knee as a result. He'd played his guitar, reviewed some cases, wrote an email to Keeter, but nothing would take away the feeling in his stomach that Mac was alone and hurting and he wasn't allowed to do anything about it. He hated being forced into inaction – he operated best when he was on the offensive – tracking down leads, rooting out the truth. Now he was being forced to just sit back and wait for a result and it was killing him. Why couldn't he just make her better? Probably the same reason he couldn't seem to just come right out and tell her he was in love with her – one part he didn't know how, and one part she wouldn't let him.

As he lay there, he slowly ran his hand over the sheets on the other side of the bed and imagined what it would be like to have Mac there with him. A part of him felt they were getting close, but still a larger part of him was terrified. That other part of him had pretty much decided she wasn't interested in him that way. That maybe in Sydney she had been, but he'd ruined it and as a result, she'd turned to someone else. That maybe those looks they shared didn't mean what he thought they did. That maybe she was running because she really _**had**_ loved Brumby and she really _**didn't**_ love him. He'd tried to suppress that part of his mind, but sometimes he just really couldn't help feeling that his worst fears were true. These doubts had surfaced so much these days that it was beginning to become overpowering and he was starting to lose his nerve regarding this conversation he wanted to have with her – the one that got cut short the night Renee's father died and the one she'd been putting off ever since.

His mind was exhausted from the constant push and pull – from second guessing every action and inaction. He sighed and decided once again that he would try to be positive. That since the debacle on the Guadalcanal, it really seemed she was letting him in a bit. That if he was careful and played his cards right, maybe some day soon, she would actually share this bed with him. He turned his head and smiled. There'd been a few women in this bed before, but never had he wished for them – they just always seemed to wind up here one day. With Mac it was the opposite. How many times had he fantasized about her being here with him, and yet that reality was still denied.

Suddenly he was drawn from his thoughts buy a soft knocking at his door. Springing from the bed, his heart quickening with anticipation, he slid slightly as his sock feet came to a halt in front of the peep hole. He'd been right, he smiled. "Hey, Mac."

Sarah Mackenzie sighed and uncrossed her arms. "You up for a visitor?"

"You bet." He smiled softly and nodded her into the room. "Can I make you some tea?"

"I'd love some. Do you still have that Earl Grey stuff your mom gave you for Christmas?"

"Of course." Harm was relieved to discover she wasn't nearly as withdrawn as she'd been the night before. Perhaps still pensive and low key, but there was a trace of light in her eye that gave him hope.

After making the tea and settling onto his couch with minimal conversation, Mac finally began. "Harm, I just want to thank you for telling me about my mom. I know you must have struggled with it."

His shoulders deflated in sympathy. "Mac, I'm pretty sure I never could have kept this from you. With all I went through to find out the truth about my dad, do you really think I could have denied you the same?"

Mac smiled genuinely and rubbed her hand comfortingly over his thigh. "Then you wouldn't have been my Harmon Rabb, Jr."

He resisted the urge to tell her how he felt about being her being his **_anything_**. Instead, he simply squeezed her hand. "Mac, I'm sorry. This must be difficult for you, but I have to say – I've run this over a million times in my brain and I keep coming up with the same result – this is a good thing, isn't it? I mean – at least this means that she didn't just up and leave you for no reason."

She played with an errant thread on her pants. "Yeah, I know. But I think I've decided that it doesn't make any difference really one way or another."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, even if she thought that it was only going to be for a short time. Even if she thought that it was for a good cause and she was doing the right thing, it still doesn't matter."

Harm was surprised but didn't want to judge her decision. He opted to remain quiet and let her speak.

"I mean, knowing my mom the way I do. I think she probably wanted to do something good with her life for once – you know, to actually make a difference instead of just… existing. I can sympathize with that – especially since it would get her away from, at least for a short time, an abusive relationship."

Harm nodded his head in understanding. "You know, Mac. If Clay can track her down again, we might be able to arrange to meet her and you can ask her for yourself what happened. It may be risky but she came out to meet you once when your dad died – she'd probably do it again."

Mac smiled at his concern for her – it meant a lot – more than she could express to him at this moment. She'd thought a lot about things over the last 24 hours and she'd come to many decisions - one of which was that she was determined to somehow find a way to let him know what he meant to her… sooner than later if she had any say in it. "Harm, it still won't change anything. I mean, if we... I mean if…" she laughed and shook her head. She wanted so much to explain this to him and this was the only way she could think of to do it. "Well, you remember our baby deal?"

Harm reddened slightly and dropped his eyes to the floor with a small smile. "How could I forget?"

"Well… if we were to… ever go through with it… if we were to ever have a child." She stood suddenly in frustration and crossed the room. "I've thought a lot about it, but I don't think I would be capable of doing the same thing. I mean, I'm a Marine. I completely understand devotion to duty, and how sometimes you need to be away from your family for the good of your sworn responsibility… but this is different. I don't think that even duty to my country could cause me to let my baby think she was worthless. I don't think that there is **_anything_** that would let me just walk away from her and make her think she wasn't worth loving."

He leaned his elbows on his knees and flattened his hands together in front of his mouth. He struggled to restrain his emotions regarding her being abandoned by her mother, but juxtaposed among them were the thoughts of actually someday having a child together with the striking beauty who stood before him. In short, he didn't think he'd ever loved her as much as he did right now. "Mac – she didn't think that, I'm sure. She probably thought she was being noble."

"She only thought about the effect it would have on herself. Problem was – _**she**_ knew why she was leaving - I didn't. She should have considered that."

Harm's stomach knotted without warning. Suddenly, the cold shoulder he'd received from Mac when he returned to flying made a lot more sense. He rubbed his chin and cleared his throat. "Well, sometimes people get caught up in their own dramas and forget to consider other people's feelings, Mac." He hesitated and regarded her for a moment before continuing. "Sometimes people get so wrapped up in righting wrongs, that they fly off the cuff and take drastic measures without stopping and really considering how it will affect those people closest to them."

Mac looked at him carefully. She thought he was trying to tell her something but she wasn't exactly sure.

"You know…" he half smirked. "Sometimes they decide to go back to their previous career and the idea of finally closing that part of their life eclipses how other people might construe their leaving." Just in case she wasn't getting his message, he decided it was prudent to choose this moment not to be cryptic. If there was one thing he was slowly learning about her, it was that cryptic didn't work with this woman. "It didn't feel at all like I was leaving you, Mac. It hurt to leave you behind, but I just want you to know… I never for a moment thought that we would lose touch - it simply wasn't an option for me - so I guess it didn't feel like I was leaving you. I'm sorry that I didn't stop to consider that you might feel abandoned."

"Harm, you don't owe me any explanations." She shook her head in frustration, sad that Harm would reflect her mother's shortcomings onto himself. "I understood why you had to go back – I just didn't like it." She smiled. "If anything, it's me who owes you an explanation or two. I haven't been that easy to talk to recently. I just wish I knew where to start explaining."

Harm grinned sheepishly for a moment. "Well, you could start with why you ran away from me on the Guadalcanal." He pinned her hard with a serious look. "Why you didn't let us at least talk about things."

For once in her life, it was Mac that suddenly looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Expecting that she may dash in a similar manner, he looked away nervously. "It's OK, Mac… never mind… we don't have to..."

Mac turned away for a moment and corralled her courage. "Harm," she turned finally and searched his eyes for hope. "Can I tell you a story?"

He didn't need to answer, he knew it was a rhetorical question so he simply turned his Academy ring slowly around his finger and waited for her to continue.

She smiled at his unspoken assent and strolled slowly across the room. "You see, there once was this little girl who… well, you know… she had all the regular hopes and dreams that all little girls do I suppose. But somewhere along the way, she got really used to those dreams not working out for her. And she found that it hurt so much when those hopes and dreams died, that she found a really good way to shield herself against the pain."

Harm ducked his head in understanding. "What did she do to shield the pain?"

"Well, whenever it seemed like she wasn't going to get what she really wanted, she simply pretended that she didn't want it at all."

Harm's eyes froze on her profile as he slowly raised his head - his mind scrambling to grasp onto the information he thought she might be offering him. "She did?"

"Yes" she nodded and took a deep breath. "She became pretty good at it actually. And over time, her reaction of pretending she didn't want that thing became so practiced, she sometimes even managed to convince herself." She turned fully back towards Harm, "And usually the intensity to which she pretended she didn't want that thing, was directly proportional to how much she really _**did**_ want it."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Suddenly, Harm was glad he'd sat down. The anticipation of this discovery was making it hard to breathe and he felt a thin sheen of sweat break out at his hairline. "It was?" 'Brilliant, Rabb,' he thought. 'Probably the most important discussion of your life and you've become practically monosyllabic.' Shaking his head slightly he stood and paced away from her, running his fingers across his brow to remove the sudden moisture. As his mind scrambled for ways to make her confirm what he suspected, she spoke instead.

"You know, Harm…" she laughed nervously, wondering if she was losing him with this confession but too far gone to pull back now, "… I guess I'm a bit of a dichotomy."

He halted and turned towards her.

"Yeah." she gesticulated aimlessly with one hand and then the other as she collapsed onto the sofa. "Mac and Sarah… never quite able to become one person, but forever sentenced to share the same body…"

Being a man, Harm's mind struggled not to make an entirely inappropriate suggestion about her body at that moment, however, luckily, he somehow managed to make mouth disengage brain. "I can understand that."

Mac's eyes narrowed. "Really? You see the difference between Mac and Sarah?"

Harm wandered back to the arm of the sofa, his mind still not able to completely cleanse itself of thoughts about her body and therefore unable to wipe the silly smirk off his face. Instead, he draped his smirk with the cloak of understanding and acceptance, and peered at her shyly from behind his shoulder as he sat. "I sure do." He stared thoughtfully at the wall in front of him and took a deep breath. "Mac is the gung-ho, kick ass Marine. Ready for anything and anyone. You don't want to take her on unprepared…" he smiled at her over his shoulder again "… although if you _**do**_ take her on, it's always a hell of a lot of fun."

"And who is Sarah?" She smiled.

Harm stiffened suddenly and his eyes darted towards the floor. "Sarah is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma…"

Mac chuckled and bit her lip, she didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he seemed to be so completely unfamiliar with that side of her. She wasn't quite comfortable with 'Sarah' either, and often times she wished 'she' didn't occupy such a huge part of her personality.

"… Sarah is the beautiful girl at the high school dance that doesn't even know that I exist" he continued thoughtfully, "…but despite that, she still makes me want to beat up any guy that comes near her."

"I think you might be wrong about Sarah. She knows exactly who you are and she's definitely not disinterested."

He eyed her warily. "But I feel like there's some invisible glass wall between me and Sarah…" he chuckled in embarrassment, "… I'm beginning to sound like Bud, but it's like this giant force-field. I feel like, for some reason, I just can't get to her."

"But you had no problem getting to Mac."

Harm smiled endearingly in thought. "Mac was always mine - she was my equal, my pal, my confidante, and I knew how to be her best friend. Sarah I'm so unsure of it scares me."

"But Mac is the independent one. She can survive on her own. It's Sarah that needs to be loved." She turned away apprehensively as she felt Harm's eyes on her. "That's why none of my other relationships worked, they wanted Sarah, but they couldn't relate to Mac. Mac was the red-headed foster child that no one liked to talk about." She chuckled at her own self-deprecating humor. "Besides, Mac already belonged to someone else and they could never have her." She smiled and caught his eye again. "That pissed a lot of people off, you know."

Harm didn't break eye contact. "Mac?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think it's healthy that we're referring to you in the third person?"

She sighed and shook her head. Closing her eyes with a chuckle she fought back the tears that were perched behind her lids.

"Mac?"

"Yeah?" Opening her eyes, she delicately wiped her nose and attempted to compose herself.

"How do I have both?"

Pausing in mid-action, she was afraid to meet his eye. "What?"

"I mean… you need someone who wants and can have both. What if I wanted to have both? Is Sarah really accessible to me?"

She locked her watery eyes onto his. "Yes."

"What do I have to do?"

"Well, you could start by telling her."

"I thought I just did." He smiled cockily.

Mac grinned back, "Nuh-uh, Flyboy… _**Mac**_ is the mind-reader, Sarah needs words. You just said "_how do I have both_", "_what if I wanted to have both_" and "_what do I have to do_" – there's no declaration in there, buster."

"Sheesh, Mac. This Sarah character is pretty demanding, can't you talk some sense into her?"

"I've tried for years, Harm – it doesn't work. She's too sensitive."

"Sensitive, huh? Is she ticklish too?" He grinned seductively.

Mac peered up at him through her eyelashes. "That appears to be something you're destined never to discover, Mr. Chickenshit."

"Chickenshit! Mac – I'm definitely not chickenshit… I'm just…" their teasing and laughter suddenly died as Harm struggled to find the word. "Weak" he finally concluded.

"Weak?" Mac was almost stunned. Of all the words she expected him to come up with, that was definitely not one of them. "Harm, you are definitely not weak. In fact, you're probably one of the strongest people I know – mentally, physically, moral fiber… you name it."

Harm shook his head throughout her dialogue "No I'm not, Mac. You're not the only one with a façade, you know."

Unconvinced, she eyed him suspiciously. "Alright. So you tell me – name one person you think is stronger than you."

"Easy – Mic Brumby."

"_**Mic Brumby**_? You hated Mic! And if I remember correctly, your fistfight was pretty much a draw."

Harm smiled and stared once more at the hardwood floor. "Yeah," he stated softly "but Mic has done something that I know I could never do."

"What's that?"

He looked at her quickly and then returned his gaze to the floor. "He shared your bed for a year and then just walked away."

Suddenly Mac had trouble forcing air into her lungs. "What?" she whispered hoarsely.

He turned to her and she suddenly saw all the insecurity and doubt that he'd kept shuttered for years. "I don't know how to do that, Mac… and I don't know what I'd do if you ever _**asked**_ me to walk away."

The tears welled uncontrolled in her eyes "How do you know? You've never shared my bed, Sailor," she joked, "… maybe you'd think differently once you had."

"Believe me. I just know… and was that an invitation?"

Mac sniffed and smiled "More like a request, actually."

In a moment, he had slipped from the arm of the sofa and she was in his arms. Although trying desperately not to, she sobbed silently into the front of his chest. Her heavy emotions over the past little while finally overwhelming her.

Harm hung on with everything he had in him. His eyes stung with tears as he pressed his lips to the top of her head. "Okay, if we're going to do this, it appears we're going to need some parameters to this relationship right off the bat."

Her answer didn't even miss a beat. "Easy – I promise never to ask you to walk away, so long as you promise never to leave."

Chuckling, Harm turned his head and leaned his cheek against her hair. "That seems a little too easy, doesn't it?"

"Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we skip straight to the 'sharing my bed' part?"

He squeezed her as hard as he possibly dared. "I think I'd really like that, Sarah."

THE END

_And for those that are interested..._

**Original Prompt** - Mac's mother didn't just run away, she was put in the witness protection program after she witnessed something so terrible that she couldn't let anyone else know about it. Joe knew she'd seen something, but she couldn't tell him what it was. They decided she should leave to protect herself and her family. Joe never spoke about it again, except to tell Mac that she was gone. She broke protocol and went to see Mac when Joe Mackenzie was dying. She maintained the story for Mac's benefit, but has been working undercover for the government for 25 years. Mac and/or Harm and/or AJ find this out, after they stumble on to some information about an operation that her mother is also affiliated with.


End file.
